Ok, so I'm gonna get to the summer music part, but first lets talk about the number '1' in french. Sometimes, I like to pretend that I know more than I actually do. And usually, this manifests in pretending i'm multilingual. And usually, it doesn't work out.
What happens is this: when I'm trying to make something that's already exciting MORE exciting (like a summer music post), I might introduce the topic in another language. (I usually pick french because I do actually know like about 17 words in french AND "but then, french is a much chicer language, EVERYone says so- parlez vous français?" you get a GOLD STAR if you can name the musical and which character says it) This is done in an attempt to send my partner in conversation/blog reader into a frothing, raving state of frenzied excitement about the information to come.
"ZOMG, I CAN'T WAIT TO RECIEVE THIS AMAZING ENLIGHTENMENT OF OBSCENELY AWESOME INFORMATION!!1!!!!11!!1! I MEAN, HE JUST ANNOUNCED IT IN FRENCH! I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT IT MEANS, BUT I AM ***SO*** EXCITED," I imagine them to say, and then squeal "PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE HURRY UP AND TELL ME NOW OR I MIGHT DIE!"
But this rarely occurs. (One would think I would learn, but no, no I am apparently impervious to clear and often blatant messages)
So instead of the desired raving near-worship I hoped for, I get "Il parle du français ! Comment merveilleux. 'Ces anglais n'est-il pas Seulement des haut-parleurs un raseur ?' " OR "¡Habla francés! El probablemente sabe español, también. ¡Cuán internacional! '¿No es estos inglés Sólo altavoces un aburre?' "
FML.
And then I have to explain that I don't actually speak french, I just know like 17 words and I like to toss them in when I can. (And my spanish is even more dismal, ESPECIALLY since I live in Texas and Mexico is like, across the street and all) And whoever it is feels let down, and they've forgotten to be excited about whatever it was that I was trying to get them excited about in the first place, and the whole thing has gone down the tubes.
(P.S. I totally used freetranslation.com for that phrases above, so apologies to those who CAN speak/read french/spanish and it sounds stilted or awkward)
ALL OF THAT SAID, I was going to put the title of this post in french, which, according to freetranslation.com, is 'La musique de l'été, l'un séparer,' which, for the casual un-french-speaker, would be hella confusing (I mean, I know like 17 words, so I practically speak the language, and I only recognize 'musique')
(that's a secret, by the way, of the frenzy-inducing: the reader/conversationalist you are attempting to impress has to be able to pick out at least a couple of words so they have a general idea of what you're whipping them into a frenzy about- I digress...)
So I decided to just do 'part one' in french, but that's "Summer Music, l'un séparer" which still sounds like I might be breaking up, or at least tearing things, neither of which I have any inclination towards. Ok, so final title: Summer Music, Part ... wait. 'One' in french isn't ' l'un ,' it's 'une,' right? I ask freetranslation.com:
Translate: One
From: English
To: French
>>free translating goes on<<
Translation: Un
Un, No. Good try, freetranslation.com, but you aren't going to fool me. I know like 17 whole words in french and one of them is the word for 'one' which is 'une.' Nevertheless, I try to have backing when I make a claim in a language that isn't my first, so I go looking further on the interwebs.
At wikihow.com, I type "how do I count to ten in french" and here's what comes up:
> It's easy, so give it a try now.
No duh, wikihow. As I've said, 17 words, I know french. Just tell me how to spell 'one.'
> Have patience. It might take a while to memorize all the numbers.:
I don't want to be patient, I don't need all the numbers! Just one. The first one.
> The first number is un. It is pronounced like someone has punched you in the stomach. "Uh!"
What?! No, that can't be right.
But it was. I also checked Wikipedia, but it was pretty half hearted because I knew in my heart I had been defeated. Sadly, I titled the post "Summer Music Part UN!"
and then I stared at the screen for a while, totally crushed. There may have been a single tear or so, I don't know.
Typing this has been pretty painful (I only got excited about the part in all caps, and also the french and spanish phrases poking ironic fun at myself), so unfortunately, the summer music post will probably have to wait. Je suis fatigué. (SEE! I DO KNOW SOME FRENCH- I SWEAR I KNEW THAT, AND I ONLY COPIED IT FROM FREETRANSLATION.COM BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TYPE THE 'E' WITH THE TIC MARK ABOVE IT!)
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