How cucumbers might change your life

Recently, I had an epiphany of sorts (no, not this one, life changing as it was). And that epiphany was cucumbers.

Yes, cucumbers.

I mean, let's face it- I slept on cucumbers for a long time. They were OK in a salad, I guess, but really just part of the over-all flavor of the thing. Also, pickles. I liked pickles alright. Fine, sure, sometimes, I got a hankering and I could sit down and polish off a jar of Valsic bread and butter spears in one sitting, but the credit didn't go to the cukes- it went to the delightful sweet and tangy awesomeness of the bread and butter brine. (P. S. How DO bread and butter pickles taste so awesome?I honestly don't know- Gold star to anybody who shares the answer) (also P. S. you'll want to say "bread and butter brine" out loud. I promise you'll like it)

I have, however, been exposed to the Truth. Cucumbers are THE DEAL. Light, crisp, fresh and with just hint of a trace of natural sweetness, cucumbers are pretty much an amazing food (the only way they could be better is if cheese were somehow involved... hmmmmmm.......) Cucumbers have made it onto my 'greatest foods of ALL TIME EVER' list, so you know they aren't a game. And in light of their appearance on that list, and realizing that you might not yet understand their total amazingness, I give unto you, the masses,

AWESOME THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH CUCUMBERS!

Eat them.


Go ahead.


Do it.


Just rinse that sucker off and bite it.


Cut them up and eat them.

A slightly more elegant version of the previously mentioned technique. Using a sharp object of some sort, (a knife would be preferable, but I understand that there might be some folks out there who might use something else- what am I saying? Use a knife, for the love of god) slice the cucumber into either a) slices or b) chunks. Slices say "I'm refined and cool enough to eat cucumber slices," chunks say "I'm a little more rough and tumble, but I still love cucumber, so I must be at least somewhat civilized."

Cut them up and put stuff on them and eat them.

Taking a walk on the wild side here, you can slice/chunk up your cucumber and combine the awesome flavor with ANOTHER awesome flavor. For the All-American taste, go with some buttermilk ranch. For a more exotic experience, use hummus (also on the 'greatest foods of ALL TIME EVER' list, so you KNOW that's gonna be good). If you really want to be adventurous, try them with *whispers* peanut or almond butter. Life Changing? YES.

Use them to make a salad.

Ok, so I already mentioned this one before, but I don't mean "make a lettuce salad and throw a bunch of things like olives and tomatoes and carrots and green bell peppers and onions and cucumbers and bacon and smother it in catalina dressing." No. I mean " chunk up a bunch of cucumber and put a *few* tomato chunks and *a little bit* of red onion and oil and vinegar and pepper and dill." Omg dill. The dill is the key. This dill-cucumber business will change. your. life.

Make a sandwich with them on it.

Again, someone else may have suggested this somewhere along the line, but cucumber sandwiches are quite refreshing. In fact, you can throw cucumber slices (not a whole, unsliced cucumber- that would be sort of awkward. chunks are not encouraged in this medium, either) on pretty much any sandwich. For the true experience, however, attempt to make a sandwich that highlights the flavor of the cucumber as the star. I would tell you how, except I've never actually made a cucumber sandwich on my own- just eaten them other places, and bought them from the store. So good luck on that, but with the guidance I've given you so far, I feel confident you will succeed in your sandwich endeavors.


And finally, last but never least, put them in a beverage.

Ok, wow. Putting some slices of cucumber in your water instead of lemon may sound odd, but it is SO. GOOD. And then, there is gin and cucumbers. This really really *really* blew my mind. Muddle up some cucumber at the bottom of a gin and tonic, and your life will change. For ever and for the better. (If you don't like gin, I can't help you, and I'm not sure we can be friends)


This is by no means a comprehensive list of the amazing things you can do with cucumbers. We didn't even start talking about pickles and relish. Suffice to say, they deserve their own list of awesome things you can do with them. And amazingly, it all comes back to the cucumber, plain and simple. I highly encourage you to go out and find other new and exciting ways to enjoy this awesome vegetable (technically, a fruit, but who's counting?).