On Traveling- Holiday '10 PART TROIS!

Here, at last (at long, long, 3-major-cities-in-as-many-weeks long last) is the final installment of the "On Traveling- Holiday '10" series (in case you are just joining us, you might want to check out the first two- on being in a hotel and Things you Must Pack). (Also, please notice that I knew how to and did spell "trois" correctly, and thus I do know how to spell in french)

I must admit, however, this final installment has actually morphed quite a bit from it's original topic. Originally, I was going to talk about relatives- and to be honest, I still feel that relatives and the ettiquette surrounding them and how to manage/navigate amongst their broods and dwelling-spaces will make an excellent post (holiday '11????), but as I was holiday-ing, something even more important made itself painfully relevant (no, seriously, I actually felt pretty awful learning this lesson- not like 'get out of the way, Aunt Margie, I'm going to up-chuck' bad, but like 'my insides are making a sad panda face really really hard' bad).

So what, you ask, is the topic? The topic is:


'Time Management'

with a subheading of 'How I almost over-scheduled myself into trouble.'

The holidays are a time of joy and cheer and catching up with old friends. When traveling, there is hardly a more delightful experience than catching up with a dear old friend over a drink, or drinks, or dinner and drinks. You find out about their life, you get to talk about yours (and, of course, highlight the Awesome things that have happened to you since last you saw each other- don't worry, they are doing it, too) and share in giddy reminiscences of ye olden days past.

Now, as with an ever-lengthening list of things, it is of the upmost importance to remember that moderation is key. Let me say that again, as it's own paragraph for emphasis:

Moderation is key.

Now to put this in context, a bit of background: All of the traveling I did this holiday season was with The Date. He is (among many of his charming features) an excellent traveller, and more importantly, incredibly game when it comes to meeting my many friends and family members. As we were planning our holiday schedule, I asked him "The Date, is it ok if we meet up with a few of my friends while we are in ________(fill in city of choice)?" and he would say "Of course! Let's do it." and then I would get super excited about seeing said friends and even more excited for said friends to meet The Date, because, let's face it, he's Awesome and if someone is a friend of mine, they have to be Awesome too, so it will be like a whole mini-Awesome convention, what with all that Awesomeness in one place.

And it was so. We met up with quite a few of my Awesome friends. And The Date seemed to be enjoying himself. But appearances can be decieving, and at a certain point, The Date pulled me aside and reminded me that, while a short trip down memory lane was fine and to be expected, a long, multi-city voyage by horse-drawn carriage and/or on foot was not exactly a trip he would book. What could he contribute? He was feeling (entirely rightly) a touch left out.

(I would like to stress at this point that any persons who may have met The Date this holiday season should not be alarmed or concerned. He says he enjoyed everyone that he met.)

I was stunned. I was flabbergasted. How could I have been so blind? So insensitive? So Rude? Needless to say, I was appalled at my own behavior.

There is a theory that some of you (hell, all of you, being the readers of Intelligence and Taste that you are) may have heard of and it is called the Pendulum Theory. It states that if a certain cultural attitude/idea/what-have-you swings too far in one particular direction, it will inevitably swing back the other direction and counter the original attitude/idea/etc. I believe in the Pendulum Theory. Not only do I believe it, but I happen to be a fantastic case study in it. And when The Date let me know that he didn't find my 2-hour conversation about previous employments simply and exhaustively fascinating, well bet your ass, I pendulumed back.

Now, as we all know, the Pendulum Theory isn't actually that teriffic in practice. You get lots of extremes, but not much in the Center (where Moderation lives his lovely little well-balanced life). Anyone who follows politics surely knows the insanity of wildly swinging from Far Left to Far Right (or as I like to call it, the goings-on of the US Senate). And thus it was with me. Trying to correct my most egregious faux pas, I then became excessively concerned with The Date's level of enjoyment of a given activity, checking every five minutes or so that he was having a good time- and thereby irritating him by checking in constantly.

In summation, my lack of moderation lead to hot mess of insecurity for me. Had I practiced a bit more Time Management, however, and limited some of the events to shorter intervals (and my own conversation about other non-present old friends), the whole mess could have been avoided.

The Things You Must Always Pack, No Matter What

Well, dear readers, I hope you had a warm and happy Thanksgiving. And if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, then I hope at least one meal since you last stopped by Black Tie and Bloody Marys was particularly big and delicious. And if you don't eat, I'm sorry but I can't help you and why the hell are you reading a blog about Black Ties and Bloody Marys which is actually really about Mexican Food?

In any event, the last post touched on some important thoughts about traveling. But as I got to thinking about it further, there are a few other holiday traveling tips that need to be mentioned- and today we are going to talk about What To Pack (The third installment in the "On Traveling- Holiday '10" series will be about-- wait a minute, why should I tell you? Then you might not read it. You, being clearly of above average intelligence, will think 'OOHHH, it's about that' and then you'll try to predict what I'm going to say, and some of you might actually predict right, and then it won't be nearly as funny. So no, I'm not telling. Suffice to say, there will be a third installment, so you'll definitely want to come back to read it).

Where to begin? I have a lot of things to say about what and how to pack. There are many theories about the best way to do it- Pack for comfort, Pack for style, Pack for every possibility. And I agree with them all. The trick is balancing all of the different ideas- because even if you have a LOT of matching luggage, if you try to do all the different theories, well, you're gonna need more matching luggage. Also, there are a few things that, regardless of your packing philosophy, have to be ruled out simply due to size- down comforters (comfort), exotic headdresses (style), faux Christmas trees and over sized yard gnomes (every possibility).

BUT, MY DEAR READERS, DO NOT FRET. I will guide the way. While I can't pick out your outfits and pack them for you, I can give you a few indispensable pointers which will steer you in the Right Direction.

(A word: these tips are about specifics. I'm not going to tell you to pack clothes, because, HELLO, you Have to pack clothes. And because I know you are all above-average intelligent, I'm fairly sure you know how to pick out your ensembles.)

So here is it is: The Things You Must Always Pack, No Matter What

- Nail clippers. I swear to god, if I had a nickel for every trip I've taken that I've rued myself for not having these babies, I'd be able to afford like 6 new pieces of luggage. Or a small dog. But seriously, you will *Always* need nail clippers. It doesn't matter if you cut them on the way to the airport, your nails know that you are going on a trip, and they will grow extra fast to spite you. They may also decide to snag on something so you have a hangnail that looks sort of like a shark tooth on your left middle finger and it catches on everything. The bonus of nail clippers is that if you need something sharp to cut tags off of new clothing you buy while on the trip, you can use them, thereby keeping scissors off the Must Always Pack list.

- Tweezers. These are really important. I can't exactly remember why right now, but this just illustrates my point. When you aren't traveling, you think "why on earth would I need to bring tweezers? I got my eyebrows done yesterday," that there would be no reason whatsoever to bring said object. But once you're on the trip, you find you desperately need that object. (And in the case of both tweezers and nail clippers, they're so cheap, I feel so ridiculous buying Another one, when I have it at home and if I would just remember to pack them, I wouldn't need to do that embarrassing thing). Moral of the Story: Pack your tweezers.

- A sturdy but inexpensive deck of cards. This is one thing people do generally think of as a travel staple, but not always for the right reasons. Of course it provides something for you to do when you are waiting in the airport, or while waiting for a large and delicious meal to digest, or for some other reason you are waiting. Or just even for general amusement. The non-obvious reasons you Must Pack sturdy but inexpensive playing cards are almost too many to name: you can use them to level out the Rocking Table (something that is perhaps one of the most excruciating annoyances I can think of), you can use them as coasters, you can use the number cards as a means of communicating prices with people who do not speak the same language as you. And those are just a few of their many functions. I would like to point out that you definitely want to make sure these are not your Lucky cards or Special cards, as they are going to get down and dirty, odds are, which is why inexpensive is important, should you need to replace them (removing them from under a table leg can lead to faster wear and tear, studies show).

- An extra piece of luggage. I know what you're thinking. 'Seriously Aaron? I already have like 5 bags and a dog carrier- do I really need another bag?'

And the answer is YES.

And here is why: everything you pack expands while you're traveling. So in addition to anything you buy during your trip, you have to deal with the fact that everything that fit in your suitcase on the way to where ever you are going is now just a little too much stuff to fit in the same bag it came in. It's a Rule. Sorry. So bring another bag. (You can cheat and just use a shopping bag from a store you bought stuff from on the trip, but any discriminating traveller would have a legit, matching bag.)

NOTE: These last two are tricky because they are liquid, but when something is on the Must Pack List, you do what it takes.

- Bottled water. Aside from the fact that we're 75% water and dehydration can kill you, bottled water is so obviously indispensable I almost didn't put it on the list. Things bottled water provides for you: thirst quenchment (is 'quenchment' even a word?); in some cases, a stylish (and trendy!) accessory; a projectile to throw at crazies if they are attacking you; a weapon against Hangover; something to splash on yourself if you need an emergency excuse to escape an awkward situation. The list goes on. Suffice to say, once you're passed the TSA checkpoint, invest in some.

- Wine. This is another obvious one. You will need wine- possibly because you're looking forward to the people you're seeing ('Dear old friend! Let's have a drink!'), possibly because you don't know the person you're seeing ('Hi. We've never met. I brought you a drink!'), or possibly because you do know and aren't looking forward to the people you're seeing ('Oh hi, Aunt Margie. I need a drink.'). It's sort of a universal uniter and soother. So if you're flying, pick up a bottle in Duty Free, or as soon as you get where you're going. You can also use it to cleanse a wound, should you find yourself caught in the middle of a crossfire of drug gangs (if you have bottled water like you should, use the wine first).

So that is the list of Things To Pack, No Matter What. It's a pretty short list. I know you were expecting a longer and more extravagant list including things like cast recordings, small dogs, complete hair and skin care regiments, and the Complete Works of William Shakespeare, but those are all on the list of Things I Recommend You Pack, But Understand If You Don't. I think you'll agree that everything on the Must Always Pack list is an Absolute Necessity. And I'd be willing to bet that even if you don't think so now, I know you will the next time you travel.