Some things I do Awesomely! (Things You Could Pay Me For!)

The job search is ON! As my current contract is slowly (achingly, glacially) coming to an end, I have started up the search for employment in the area I'm moving to. So far, this isn't going so well- aside from the fact that I'm not actually there yet (and won't be for another 3 weeks or so), there a little thing called The Great Recession that just happened and, oh, p.s. getting a job right now is HARD. As I'm sure you all know for yourselves, getting a job anytime requires a certain amount of extra energy. But in typical Aaron fashion, I have heaped on the possibly-unfavorable factors- new city that I've never been to that has a lot of technical jobs and also a major university that will have *just* started before I get there, all the while unemployment hovers just under 10%.

Clearly, any employer should see that I enjoy a challenge.

After quite a bit of thought, I've come up with the a few things that I feel I could be awesome at. Like, you could hire me to do them today, right now. No orientation, no training, I just show up and start doing them awesomely.

Laying on a bed.

Aside from the fact that I do this for an average of at least 8 hours every day (and more if I have the chance), I feel I'm pretty darn qualified for this job. I can lay in a variety of positions and orientations- facing either direction, on my back or stomach, I'm open. I'm pillow flexible (one pillow/two pillow/pillowless). More than just qualified, I actually like doing laying on a bed. In fact, I've only laid on a few beds that I've had problems with (and in those few select cases, there were usually bugs/small rabid animals/crazies attempting to share the bed with me). Clearly, I could earn a living laying on a bed.

Walking.

Again, I already do this quite a bit, so I'm definitely qualified. I am a rare individual who can engage in the famed 'walking and talking at the same time' sort of walking. In fact, I can can even sing while walking. I can handle stairs, different tempos, and different gaits. But it's not all work and no play- I've been known to engage in a number of silly walks from time to time. I'm especially good at walking with my iPod playing- it's definitely a performance enhancer for me. (Note: running would have to be negotiated- while I'm not opposed to it, I feel the demand of my running skills is another skill set entirely)

Facebooking.

This is where my technical prowess can really shine. Facebook allows me to stay absolutely current on the most cutting edge as far as the interwebs go. I can friend, unfriend, invite, like and comment with ease. Facebooking for a living might even be place to use my leadership skills- I tag people in notes quite frequently, as well as create events from scratch! I've also had to block a person or two- I know that it's a difficult thing to do, but with greater skills come greater responsibilities, and I feel confident that I could hit that block button if it becomes necessary.

Putting in and taking out my contacts.

As you can see, I'm so good at this, eye don't even need to make it clearer for you.






Using the microwave.

This one is definitely the area that I have the most growth potential in. I can do hot pockets and popcorn no problem. I am, however, still mastering warming up things like chili or a casserole so that the middle gets warm but the outer edges don't get too hot in the process. Nevertheless, I do have an amount of passion for microwaving- I love the droning noise it makes, and watching the little plate turn in circles is something I really enjoy. I think with a little practice, I could even cook meat in one.


So those are my skills. If you or anyone you know is looking for someone to do any of these things full time, get in touch with me. I can provide a resume and references on request. Oh, and there are definitely Gold Stars available for those who help me find work. If that's not an incentive, I don't know what is.