A Cover Letter to the Gods of Rain

Dear Rain Gods;
Greetings! My name is Aaron Glover and I'm interested in getting you to rain heavily, specifically around the Palo Duro canyon between 6 and 9PM any night of the week except Monday. A number of my friends have spoken of you (complete list of references on request, but there's about 70 of us total) and I am writing to personally advocate your intervention. Currently, I am slaving away during the afore mentioned hours, and with your help, I think both you and I will benefit.

I am sure you're well aware, in outdoor drama when it rains significantly, we can't do the show. A sad but true fact. Now please do not misunderstand- I enjoy doing the show. It's great fun, the audience (usually) loves it, and most of the time, the canyon is a tolerable place to be. However, every so often, doing the show becomes almost unbearable. It could be the sweltering heat of a clay canyon that has been baking all day in the west Texas sun to temperatures in excess of 100 degrees. It could be the 5 inch long beetles that have descended upon the stage, making every moment spent not moving a moment of terror, just knowing that you could be dive-bombed at any second- and even when you are moving, they can attack. This also happens with mutant grasshoppers that sometimes think they can just keep hopping at you and maybe you'll disappear (bug gods, if you're reading this, you've turned away my letters requesting you vacate the theatre while we're doing the show numerous times. If at some point you change your mind and would like to discuss things further, I'm more than willing. Just so long as I don't have to look at, feel, smell, or hear you). It could be an audience of 200 people. Or it could just be the plain and simple fact that we've been doing the show 6 days a week since the beginning of June and I just don't want to do it that particular evening.

In any event, sometimes, the show, as they say, needs to not go on. And here is where you come in. If you could perhaps send us a small deluge (somewhere between say, a light shower and the Noah flood), we won't have to do the show. If the show got cancelled, the opportunities of what I could do with the evening are practically endless. I could go eat dinner in a restaurant at a normal time. I could go see a movie. I could go to a bar and start drinking before midnight (this would be particularly delightful). As you can see, an evening spent away from the canyon would be a most treasured time. And all you'd have to do is what you do- namely, make it rain.

As you'll see on my resume, I'm a multi-disciplined artist. I've been a part of many different kinds of performances. I've sung, acted, danced, even mimed. I feel that my skills in these areas particularly equip me to undertake the task of summoning you. Perhaps a rain dance, complete with blue Lycra unitard and paper mache streamers attached to my arms and head, would entice you? If not, I know a number of extremely moving poems and speeches that I can perform about rain- and depending on your particular tastes, I can do these highly stylized (for instance, I could smite the sun for being a non-rain-god, or howl like an animal dying of heat exhaustion- it's really up to you) or more in the vein of realism- such as a made for TV movie about farmers in a drought in the 1890's (hello, I play one in the show!). I also have a wide repertoire of songs I could sing involving rain- among them, "Purple Rain" by Prince, "Come Clean" by Hilary Duff, and "Umbrella" by Rihanna. I could even 'make it rain' like Weezy (pardon me, that was just a little "rain making" humor).

Clearly, this arrangement profits both of us. You get to make rain happen, I get an evening to myself. I hope you won't find my analysis of the facts too forward- I merely feel a hypothetical look at the situation best presents the benefits we both receive. I'd love to discuss the possibilities further at your earliest convenience. Feel free to contact me with any questions about anything in this letter or on my resume. I'll be in touch with you in the next week to make sure you have all the information you may need in making your decision. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thank you for your time and consideration-
Aaron