I would expect, had I not been authoring it all along, this blog to be about drinking and fabulous parties and celebrity chums and wealth in amounts that are just downright FILTHY.
If I had no idea about the author's (my) obsession with Mexican food, or his (my) epic battle with the french language (I'm not going to lie, I still think that's one of the better posts I've written) or any of it, I'd expect a picture of the author and Meryl Streep, or at least Lindsay Lohan, in some posh club. Probably in New York. Or Ibiza. (Meryl in Ibiza, pleasepleaseplease can this happen?)
And I mean, as of yet, I haven't seen a picture of any black tie events. Not even an iPhone photo of me in a tux. Or even JUST a tux.
I have come to the realization that my own expectations have yet to be met. Because, as the author of a blog titled "Black Tie and Bloody Marys," I expected to be blogging about drinking and parties and all those things. But a couple things have gotten in my way, namely, not having an income. It's hard to be filthy rich when you aren't even rich, well off, or even just making it. I've found a few tasks here and there to keep above absolute zero, but definitely nothing that's going to be getting me into the hot spots with Meryl and Lindsay. I'm not whining here, I'm just setting the scenario.
(as an aside, through fabulous connections and a keen sense for smashing company, I have managed a number of inexplicably good times since moving to Austin, so thanks to those who have contributed)
Upon realization of this, I felt let down. I mean, not only did I let you, my faithful readers, down through a lack of glamour and excitement, but I didn't even get to do the glamourous and exciting things.
And I wondered how to remedy the situation.
And then it hit me. I decided: time to come clean.
There are a few other unglamourous things you should know about me. I'd rather get them out on the table now. It's best to share them here, up front, so you know the Real Deal. And if, god forbid, my rough spots are too rough for your tastes, I will cry one single tear down my left cheek in a a perfect line without blinking, wipe it away, and somehow manage to go on with my now-meaningless and dull existence.
But if
you choose to forgive me these minor lapses in absolute style, I will be forever thankful and adoring. (I would give Gold Stars, but I can't get them on loan from China, so I'm in a Gold Star freeze, unless it's something super spectacular like a job offer, or first class tickets to Tokyo, or creme burlee)
So, here are some confessions I must make.
-I love scratch off lotto tickets. LURVE them. Addicted is too strong a word, but they are a source of delight in my life. The 30 seconds or 2 minutes it takes me to lose the dollar or two I spent on it is TOTALLY worth it.
-I really like old people. In order not to make this very serious and talk about how they remind me of my own impending mortality (woops), I'll just say I like them. They're stories are hilarious, and when they get excited, you can tell. (which I totally understand: see next confession).
-I get really, really, really excited when I watch movies/tv/plays. A lot of people can watch a movie or TV and remain relatively passive during the experience. They can sit, and let the story wash over them, stirring only to go to the bathroom or get more popcorn. Not so with me. I am most likely on the edge of my seat, sometimes (ok, most times) cheering or discouraging quietly (ok, not usually very quietly) a character to make a certain choice. When they make the wrong one, I feel very personally involved in the bad choice. Frankly, it's kind of exhausting.
-I don't believe in expensive sunglasses. I know they're glam. I know they make a statement. I know. I just cannot fathom paying so much for something that will probably get lost or sat on stolen.
-I love board games and card games. I would actually even go so far as to say, the less technology involved, the better. I think that due to my parents efforts, I have a real enthusiasm for non-electronic passtimes. Favorites include Gin (Rummy, not the drink- well, let's be honest, I love gin the drink probably more than I love Gin the card game), Risk, Candyland, dominoes, and of course, Monopoly. Obviously.
-I know I've said it before, but I really love having a box fan around.
-I am anti-sock. I don't like wearing them, I don't think they're attractive.
-I love that song "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus. Also "The Climb." They are just *too* catchy and I can just listen to them, well, more times than I care to identify.
And I think that's going to end it.
Now, before you turn your back on me, consider:
I still do own a tux. I DO drink bloody marys. This is not a concession that I am giving up on the pursuit of all things luxurious and decadent and fabulous, merely an admission that not everything can be glitter and wit and gin-soaked (though I do make a concerted effort on that last bit).
And just because I love you, one parting picture:
